Carol of the Snapes
by hogwartsalways5298
Summary: A Christmas one-shot set in the world of Harry Potter. Severus Snape makes a bet on a Quidditch match he quickly comes to regret. Based on a sketch from the recent SNL Christmas episode.


**Okay, before y'all start wondering where on earth this came from... I have an explanation this time!**

**Do any of you (my most likely fictitious audience) watch Saturday Night Live? **

_**Audience: Yes!**_

**Great, great. Did you watch the one this past Saturday? The Christmas episode?**

_**Yes, now shut up and get on with the story. **_

**Harsh... Well, this one-shot ficlet thingy was inspired by about fifteen seconds of one skit about halfway through the episode. That thing with all the celebrities doing a Christmas album together? Yeah, that's it. Alan Rickman/Snape was on there (portrayed by the fabulous Jimmy Fallon) and this just kinda... happened. Hey, Snape was caroling. I'm surprised I haven't heard of more people writing something like this. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Severus Snape, nor do I own the idea of him recording a Christmas album with other celebrities. That's purely SNL's genius. I can't come up with stuff that good on my own. *Snape voice* Obviously.**

"Is the really necessary, Albus?" Snape asked quietly, his voice practically shaking with barely restrained anger.

"Of course, Severus!" the headmaster said excitedly, the bell on top of his new hat, pulled from a cracker, jingling back and forth. The other professors tried and failed to stifle their laughter at the sight of the Potions master. Though still in his usual black robes, Snape was now adorned with several garlands and lights, and a holiday hat sat upon his long, stringy black hair.

"What did I miss, Minerva?" Flitwick asked McGonagall as Dumbledore tried to convince Snape to put on a wreath as well. "Why is Severus so... festive?"

"Quidditch, Filius," she replied. Rather than her usual severe, rigid nature, she was giggling like a schoolgirl at Snape's obvious displeasure. "We had a bet on the last match. Neither of us had any money on hand... So this is what we bet instead!"

At that precise moment Snape shot a withering glare at McGonagall. Unfortunately, it didn't have as much of an effect as usual due to the heaps of festive decorations he was near buried under.

"Albus, that's quite enough," Snape said, his disgust now completely obvious, as he was making no attempt to disguise it and longer. "Just take a picture and be done with it."

"I'm afraid not, Severus," the headmaster replied, giddy and excited. "I believe your deal with Minerva went farther than just a picture, did it not?"

Snape's scowl became even more pronounced, and he stalked from the room. The professors ducked out of the room and watched him storm off.

"Should we be worried, Albus?" Sprout asked. "Are you sure he'll go to the Great Hall?"

"Do not worry, Pomona," Dumbledore assured her. "Severus will not go back on his word, no matter how much he may wish to."

The professors headed toward the Great Hall, rushing to be sure they arrived in time to see Snape's performance. To their relief, the Potions Master had not already performed. He was sitting in his chair at the head table, looking as though he was trying to hide behind the tablecloth. Already there were a few confused whispered and tentative bouts of giggles from the students, mostly the Gryffindors.

Once all of the professors and students had taken their places, Dumbledore rose from his seat and addressed the whole of Hogwarts.

"Due to the Gryffindor's Quidditch victory at the last match," Dumbledore began. A large cheer from the Gryffindor table and a considerable amount of booing and hissing from the Slytherin table interrupted him, and he waited patiently for them to settle before he continued.

"As I was saying, this recent Quidditch victory caused more than just a change in the rankings for this year's Quidditch Cup." The students seemed confused at this remark, and a number of professors chuckled at the prospect of what would happen, Hagrid outright laughing. "There was a... bet between the Heads of Gryffindor and Slytherin Houses, Professors McGonagall and Snape respectively, on the outcome of the game. This bet involved the losing professor singing a Christmas carol before the school at this very feast. Professor Snape, if you will."

Dumbledore escorted an unwilling, tinseled Professor Snape toward the center of the table as the Great Hall filled with roaring laughter. Snape, sing a Christmas carol? The very thought was strange! It was absurd! Ludicrous!

It took several minutes for the students to calm down after the announcement. Once they had, every person in the Great Hall, professors included, was on the edge of their seat, waiting for Snape to start.

Snape cleared his throat, and the entire Great Hall watched and waited as he took a deep breath.

"Have a holly, jolly Christmas," Snape said flatly, his scowl deepening. "It's the... best time... of the year."

The remainder of the song was drowned out by wild laughter from students and professors alike.

**So yeah, just a little thing. Some laughs and festive spirit while I write a particularly angsty, violent, and depressing part of my book... Great for the holidays, am I right?**

**So, Merry Christmas, Happy Belated Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Boxing Day, and Happy Everything I've Forgotten and Have Probably Managed to Offend Half the World While Doing So!**

**Give me a break, okay? It's late and I'm not at school and when I have a break from school I'm stupid. So... Yeah. **

**Happy Holidays to allllllllllll!**

**(And to all a good night!... Day!... Wherever it is y'all are, I give up...)**


End file.
